Long story short (though I will inevitably make this long anyway), our lease runs out in March, and we are considering not renewing it. We really do like our apartment, and the location isn't that bad. The neighbors are quiet; we don't have a long commute; everything is set up just the way we like it; we are the perfect distance away from Seattle without making me feel like a country bumpkin.
But, you know, it could be better. We would like less traffic, more grass, and maybe a bigger closet so that I can hide more clothes, err, I mean, have more storage. So, with that, we're slowly scoping out some other living situations, and by "scoping" I mean that I am trolling real estate websites for houses that are way, way out of our budget.
"We don't need a 6-car garage and 3 master suites and a giant, swan fountain in the driveway, Shasta."
"But it's A MILLION DOLLARS LESS than when they first put it on the market!"
"I thought we were thinking about renting again since we might move out of state soon?"
"But this is obviously our dream house! You've been saying how much you want a garage!"
"We don't have six cars or six cars worth of stuff for this garage though!"
"Oh, well, I thought you liked swans."
"...."
What can I say? I love looking at crazy houses, and for the most part, I can see myself living in one, but I have a normal husband who deserves to live in an area where we aren't known as The Basket Cases With the Swan Fountain.
And you thought I couldn't compromise...
After browsing apartment complexes and living communities in the neighborhoods of Not Ghetto and No Vandalism, I found a potential place. The description was perfect. Like, seriously, read this:
"Life is about making big plans but keeping things simple. That's where we come in. [Our apartment community] has the comforts of the home you know and love without the maintenance or headaches of ownership."
That sounds bomb diggity, right? All of the reviews were like 5+++ stars with sprinkles on top, and the surrounding neighborhood is a great part of Washington where there aren't any meth labs or police officer shootings. We would be a bit further from work, but for granite countertops? I think I'll drive the extra 15 minutes.
I need to see it to believe it, though, so I decided to call their leasing office yesterday to schedule a viewing and, you know, get more information...and this is what happened:
"Hello, my name is Shasta, and I was just looking through your website, and I was wondering if you had any available units next March?"
"Why, yes, we will have some vacancies by then, and we can reserve a unit for you as early as January."
"That's great, and when can we schedule a viewing and discuss your policies?"
"Any time next week - we are available whenever, as I am sure you are too these days! Ha ha!"
"Uhhhh..well...no, I have a very busy work schedule, so do you have any morning or lunch openings on Monday or Tuesday?"
"You're still working at your age? Ha ha! That is very proactive of you! But yes, Monday at 8am we would be happy to meet with you."
"Wait, what do you mean at my age?"
"Most of our residents stopped working years and years ago, but there are still a few of you spritely ones with that gung ho spirit!"
I couldn't tell what she was talking about for the longest time, and her upbeat, cheery attitude and little laughs were starting to get to me. Maybe you're already picking up what the receptionist was laying down, but I was a little slow on the uptake.
Was this a rehabilitative center for homeless people or something?
Why don't these residents work?
Was this a Charles Manson type thing?
Would I have to be a sister wife?
Then, finally, the truth surfaced....
"So that we know what you and your husband are looking for, how would you describe yourselves? Outdoorsy and athletic or more meditative and artistic?"
"Uhhhmmmm, well, he's athletic...and I'm an aspiring writer of sorts..."
"OK, we can work with that! We offer tons of activities for active adults with different interests!"
Active...adults? What......?
Wait.
ACTIVE ADULTS? LIKE OLD PEOPLE? I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT APARTMENTS IN AN OLD PEOPLE COMMUNITY? OH MY GOD, WHAT THE WHAT?
I felt like I got slapped in the face by some crazy bitch with a bad weave and acrylic nails who I originally thought was from Beverly Hills but is more like Compton material once I got a good look at her roots. Unexpected and disillusioned.
What kind of old people community doesn't SAY that they are for the SENIOR POPULATION? Their
website has no stipulation about resident age - I just thought it was awesome that they offered knitting courses and shuffleboard game nights in their community areas! And while all of the pictures of the (fake actor) residents were all of a, uh, mature age, I didn't really think anything of it because paid models deserve to be of all ages, not just those young twiggy girls you see in magazines. I figured they weren't discriminating, that's all.
It probably wouldn't be such a bad deal being the youngest folks there. We would be doted on like grandchildren with fresh baked cookies and milk all the time. Maybe they even have a complimentary, lifetime supply of prune juice and those little butterscotch candies that grandmas always have in their carpet bags.
But I don't know if I could really live in a place where the primary reason residents leave is because they died.
A swan fountain doesn't seem so bad now.
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