If you think this is about some kind of bizarre lesbian fantasy, how dare you! My blog has class, you fiend!
Maybe the sudden death of Amy Winehouse, the totally expected surprising engagement breakup between Kat Von D and Jesse James, the yawn-worthy wedding of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo, and Lindsay Lohan’s renewed friendship with Paris Hilton has left my mind spinning into such a tornado of celebrity gossip that I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore.
Because obviously everything I read on Perez Hilton and X17Online is real.
I had a truly horrific dream though. Here's the summary: Halle Berry was driving in Los Angeles with her little daughter, Nahla, in the front passenger seat and she got T-boned by a semi-truck, and they died.
$#@*&%;!!!
What in the…? Who dreams that?
I feel like such a bad person for having this dream that I'm almost ashamed to write about it, but then I remember I don't have a Catholic shame complex, and I'm over it.
Even so, I was panic-stricken and completely distraught in my dream (evidence that I'm a good person). I was so upset that the photographers were taking detailed pictures of the accident that I was ready to bust all of their cameras with the dream sledge hammer in my dream backpack. There was a huge crowd, and we were all crying, and some people even bought flowers to display at the crash site in their memory.
What in the…? Who dreams that?
I feel like such a bad person for having this dream that I'm almost ashamed to write about it, but then I remember I don't have a Catholic shame complex, and I'm over it.
Even so, I was panic-stricken and completely distraught in my dream (evidence that I'm a good person). I was so upset that the photographers were taking detailed pictures of the accident that I was ready to bust all of their cameras with the dream sledge hammer in my dream backpack. There was a huge crowd, and we were all crying, and some people even bought flowers to display at the crash site in their memory.
It was horrible, and I woke up very startled and immediately ran an inventory in my head of all the over-the-counter medicine that I've taken in the last 24 hours to decide if this was a drug-induced dream.
Negative.
I searched the headlines on my iPhone to make sure it really was a dream, and even now, I’m a little shaken up about it because I don't know what this means. Usually, I can figure out why I'm dreaming of particular things.
Flying dreams? I need to pee.
Dreams about food? I'm on a diet.
Crazy rapist dreams? I watched True Blood.
Negative.
I searched the headlines on my iPhone to make sure it really was a dream, and even now, I’m a little shaken up about it because I don't know what this means. Usually, I can figure out why I'm dreaming of particular things.
Flying dreams? I need to pee.
Dreams about food? I'm on a diet.
Crazy rapist dreams? I watched True Blood.
I’m not even that much of a Halle Berry fan, so I don't know where this is coming from at all. She would not have been my first pick for Storm in the X-Men trilogy, you know? But that doesn’t mean she deserves a dream death!
What is going on here? Is my mind that saturated with celebrity gossip that I'm starting make shit up in my sleep?
....
Perhaps I'm becoming a clairvoyant, and I need to warn Halle Berry about driving! Maybe suggest a driving accident prevention course or something. I need to research baby car seats and tell her what I think is best for baby Nahla, you know, depending on their type of vehicle.
Obviously I have to get in touch with Halle Berry and save her from this perilous fate! God, why didn't I see this from the beginning? I have been wasting so much time!
HALLE BERRY, LET ME HELP YOU!
(Is this how stalking begins?)
What is going on here? Is my mind that saturated with celebrity gossip that I'm starting make shit up in my sleep?
....
Perhaps I'm becoming a clairvoyant, and I need to warn Halle Berry about driving! Maybe suggest a driving accident prevention course or something. I need to research baby car seats and tell her what I think is best for baby Nahla, you know, depending on their type of vehicle.
Obviously I have to get in touch with Halle Berry and save her from this perilous fate! God, why didn't I see this from the beginning? I have been wasting so much time!
HALLE BERRY, LET ME HELP YOU!
(Is this how stalking begins?)
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