Brain Dump

I know that I've been quiet on this blog lately, but I've just had way, way too much on my mind, and there is nothing worse than an overloaded brain. As my ninth grade English teacher once told me, too much on your mind just means you need to empty your cup. You know, because your brain is like a teacup and the knowledge is like tea that can flow in and out and WHATTHEFUCKWHOCARES that is the worst analogy ever, and why the hell did you give me a B in your class, Mr. Linn?

Anyway, here are some snippets of all the sort-of-connected anecdotes that have been running through my head these days:

Why can't I find an actual bottle of Taylor Swift's new perfume Wonderstruck? Don't even attack me about wanting to try yet another celebrity perfume because I. don't. care.

Have you seen this bottle on the internet or, perhaps, in real life? It's cute and sparkly with little gold charms, and when it comes to perfume, the packaging is, like, 89% of the product so GOOD JOB, TAYLOR SWIFT, I want to smell like you.

Speaking of celebrities, since when am I older than Selena Gomez and Taylor Lautner? Did the world stop turning or something? The whole point of famous people is for them to be older than the rest of us so that we will be comforted by the fact that they will die first, even though they have smoother skin, bouncier hair, whiter teeth, and tighter bodies.

Selena Gomez needs to kick the bucket. Now.

I actually decided that I am not aging anymore, at least not until I'm ready to be another year older. I mean, birthdays are so superfluous, and if age is supposed to be "just a number" then we need to start treating it like the meaningless piece of crap that it is.

So, yes, I'm still 23 this year.

Did anyone else buy "Jump" by Kris Kross from iTunes after watching the movie Friends With Benefits? Or maybe dust off the walkman and insert that cassette tape single?

Oh, you didn't see that movie because it had Justin Timberlake in it? I was thinking the same damn thing, but seeing him rap along to "wiggitywiggitywiggitywhack" was worth it.

But you saw the movie Drive with Ryan Goslin just because he was in The Notebook? What a double standard. I hope you fell asleep in the theater because I know I did.

My husband's car viciously attacked my thumbnail about four months ago, and only now is it long enough for me to paint it with nail polish. FrankenThumb is back in business and ready for that manicure.

You would think that after living in the Great Northwest for as long as I have that I would be used to the onslaught of autumn with its continual rain. If you think that, then you are very, very wrong. I will never get used to this dreariness or the bone chilling mist that greets me every morning. I don't know what the fuck Stephenie Meyer was thinking, but Twilight should not have been set in Washington. This place sucks. The Cullens could have sparkled in Las Vegas, Nevada and no one would have said a damn thing because everything is sparkle-tastic down there anyway.

Speaking of youth fantasty fiction, I am re-reading the Harry Potter novels, and I don't CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT because Harry Potter is awesome and nothing will change my mind on this subject. I don't understand people who don't read the books or watch the movies (or, in my case, do both).

Like, what is your problem? Do you really hate magic that much? What a hater.

Don't even talk to me.