White Water Rafting, Safely

I like to pretend that I am a really outdoorsy, adventurous kind of person who will seize the day each and every morning, but if I can do something indoors, I am going to do it indoors and I'm going to do it much, much later in the day.

Maybe this is why I like treadmills so much?

This mostly has to do with the fact that I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination and to be a GO-GET-'EM outdoorsy individual, you have to wake up early.

There's a beautiful sunrise I need to see? Send me a picture.

You want to go on a day hike? Let's start at noon.

Free breakfast at the local farmer's market? I'd rather pay for dinner.

Honestly, I really should start including "Not a Morning Person" in my signature block and business cards because it's not something people would assume about me since I race on my weekends so often. Paying upwards of $75 per race can motivate even the laziest of people to get moving apparently.

Me, the Not Morning Person.

In spite of the early morning wakeup on a day off, we went river rafting up in the Skykomish River over the holiday weekend. I've only been rafting once before, and I fell out of the raft because I am small, basketball-sized person who gets bounced around easily. You would think I would be a little more apprehensive this time around, but the rafting company provided us with some really inspiring safety gear.

A lot of people get worried about potentially hazardous activities when the helmets, gloves, full body-suits, special footwear, and mouth guards come out of the woodwork.

Me? I am all about that shit. If I could wear two bike helmets, I would, so when all of this slightly wet, bottom-river-scented neoprene was set before me, I was dazzled.

Special footwear? I'm all in.

On that same token, I have never been averse to water activities wherein we all have to wear life jackets because they allow me to blend in with the crowd. We are all inexperienced noobs in life jackets, so I enjoy feigning my exasperation with everyone while we clutch and grab at the straps because ugh, this is so annoying, of course we don't need to wear these, when really, I'm thinking:

THANK YOU, GOD, FOR BLESSING ME WITH THIS LIFE VEST TODAY!

I'll be upfront here: We didn't have a heart-rattling rafting expedition because we did everything correctly. Our guide was a little on the soggy side (What rafting guide isn't?) but he was wonderfully instructive and if there is anything I do well, it is following instructions.

We ended up being the lead raft to set the pace for the following groups and so we could save anyone who fell out of their rafts as they negotiated the class-V rapids. For those of us who needed to tickle their thrill pills, our guide encouraged them to sit on the nose of the raft during some milder rapids to get splashed and whatnot.

(FYI: I was not one of those people.)

The more challenging area of the river is called "The Boulder Drop" because there are a lot of giant rocks and a very strong current that will knock your stomach straight up your throat at certain points. The rafting company's policy is to have each group shore up to the side of the river and walk alongside to observe the Drop and decide whether or not each individual wants to negotiate the rapid in the raft.

Deciding if this is a good idea or not.

This particular policy was clearly MADE FOR ME. I like clear instructions. I like to see what I'm about to do along with a detailed explanation beforehand. I also like to have an opportunity to, you know, opt out.

As our guide explained the Drop, he named every single rock and feature of the rapid, and there were at least 15 different items to name. He broke it down step by step, rock by rock, death-defying rapid by death-defying rapid.

Had I asked, I think he could also tell us the name for every single salmon that might have been swimming in the area. These guides were not messing around, and if there is anything I like more than safety gear, it's people who know what the hell they are doing.

"Classic features" as I was told.

When we climbed back into our raft, our guide also looked me straight in the eye and said, "Shasta, if something goes wrong, I'm going to reach for you and keep you in the raft."

So, rafting guide, not only did you provide me with a plethora of safety equipment and mind-numbingly detailed instructions, now you're telling me that you're going to specifically ensure that I stay safe because I probably look like an overstuffed, totally sinkable turkey in all of this water-repellant gear?

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY - LET'S GO RAFTING.

Our rafting group, not dying.

"Hmm, am I paddling correctly?"
 

"UM, excuse me, secure your paddles everyone!"

Most people seem to assume that to have fun on these kinds of trips, you need to fall out of your raft and get soaked. I have fallen out of a raft before, and the time where I stayed in the raft was way, way more fun (early morning notwithstanding). It may also be possible that I got even more soaked this time around because the Skykomish River is no joke.*

*It's such NOT a joke, in fact, that when I googled it, "skykomish river death" was the first option to populate. Another reason I don't go outdoors as often as I should.