Things I Say to My Husband

I'm a little crazy. I know that might be hard to pick up on here on the interwebz, but it's a fact.

My husband married me knowing this. He knows that I do not possess a filter between my brain and mouth, and that I like to debate the uses of the word racket v racquet, and that I can't sleep at night knowing the toothpaste cap has not been screwed back onto the tube.

He also knows that I won't use towels that aren't white unless it's at the gym, and I can't function through life without Double Stuf Oreos.

Living with all that and then some? That is love, people.

Sometimes, I'm a little surprised he can put up with me, but then I remember all of the endearing things I say to him throughout our days together. Here are some gems:

Exhibit A (usually said while combing my hair):

"I think my hair has stopped growing. Where's a ruler?"

Exhibit B (daily question):

"Where did I put that thing I had in my purse yesterday that had the number to the place I need to go to next week about the whatever?"

Exhibit C (weekends for us):

"Let's go see a movie."

OK, what movie?

"I don't know. You pick."

But you suggested the movies.

"But I asked you first."

You didn't ask. You said let's go see a movie.

"No, I asked, let's go see a movieEEEeeE? Like as a question."

Captain America.

"Pick a different one."

Exhibit D (when he proposed):

"Remember that one time you asked me to marry you, and I said, "Are you serious?" ha ha."

Exhibit E (that time-of-the-month comment):

"Would you still find me attractive if I stopped shaving my legs? Because I'm considering this."

Exhibit F (since I started couponing):

"If I stopped working at the office, I would have all the time I need to coupon and save us more money."

But then we wouldn't have as much money in the first place.

"But I would coupon the shit out of those fruit snacks you like."

Exhibit G (...every 4 days):

"Should I take a shower? It's been 4 days."


Exhibit H (this is why we don't do chores together):

"Why didn't you put the towels away?"

I did. They're in the bathroom.

"They aren't folded though.

I did fold them!

"But they aren't folded like hotel towels."

We don't live in a hotel.

"...why not?"